Thousands of people celebrated Halloween by dressing up in costumes this weekend. While most went as the usual superheroes, celebrities, athletes, and fictional characters – some chose to dress as Sean “Diddy” Combs and baby oil.
Earlier this year, Combs was charged with several crimes relating to sex trafficking and prostitution. During a raid on Comb’s properties in connection to these crimes, federal agents seized more than 1,000 bottles of baby oil and lubricant. This has prompted countless people to perform skits, makes jokes, and even wear Halloween costumes poking fun at this situation. To make matters even worse, two college students wore blackface to portray Combs in this costume.
This is far from the first time that people have decided to dress as victims of abuse, assault, or those causing harm in their relationship. Last year, actress Emily Hampshire and a friend dressed as Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, complete with the clothes they wore during the highly publicized trial. Others have applied fake bruising and blood to resemble Rhianna and Chris Brown or Nicole Brown Simpson and O.J. Simpson.
What motivates a person to dress as victims of abuse or those who are causing harm?
“Some of it is ignorance, trying to be edgy, and not fully understanding why costumes can be offensive,” says Dr. Danielle Graddick, a psychologist and member of JBWS’ board. “But the darker answer is attention. Sometimes people feel overlooked and ignored in the world. Putting on a provocative costume that will get you laughs or high fives at the bar makes you feel seen.”
Scroll down or listen to the most recent episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse for more of Dr. Danielle Graddick’s thoughts on this subject
When someone takes issue with another person’s Halloween costume, there is sometimes a reluctance to believe it could actually cause harm. You might hear people say: “It’s just a joke.” “Why are you being so sensitive?” or “Go touch grass because you’re chronically online and offended by everything.” This type of reaction just contributes to the culture of silence that surrounds abuse. It makes it easier to excuse, minimize, or ignore that intimate partner violence even exists.
“Psychologically, when things cause this much pain and so much harm to people, I think we put up walls and defense mechanisms to justify that abuse doesn’t actually happen that often,” explains Dr. Graddick. “It’s easier to think that way than to actually consider the pain and suffering survivors of abuse have experienced.”
So, what is the harm of these costumes?
It can make victims of domestic violence feel more alone and potentially prevent them from seeking services. If a victim of abuse sees their loved ones making light of their bruises, tears, and pain for a Halloween costume – do you think they’d feel comfortable saying that they are a victim of abuse themselves? Or feel comfortable saying that they may bear the same bruises and suffer the same tears that you’re pretending to have? There is already so much shame associated with being a victim of abuse and wearing these types of costumes just intensifies that shame.
“It’s never too late to be a more accountable person and to be more thoughtful of others,” says Dr. Graddick. “It doesn’t cost anything except a few more thoughts and that could prevent a lot of harm.”
If you have dressed in a harmful or problematic way in the past, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. People make mistakes and what matters most is that we learn and grow from those mistakes. We’re not doomed to constantly repeat them.
“This is a no shame zone,” says Dr. Graddick. “We’re just trying to educate people so that survivors can have a Halloween experience that doesn’t trigger symptoms, flashbacks, or memories of what they’ve experienced.”
If you’re in an unhealthy relationship and need help, JBWS is always here. Visit jbws.org/services
