Choking your partner during sex, also called sexual choking, is becoming increasingly common, particularly among teenagers and young adults. But is it possible to consent to choking? Can you consent to something that could kill you with the same force it takes to open a can of soda?
“The body doesn’t know the difference between sexual choking and strangulation,” says Alexis Rachel, a registered nurse with a secondary license in forensic nursing. “The effect on the body is the same.”
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The Risk of Choking During Sex
Even if partners discuss sexual choking and engage in the activity with consent at first, the act of choking could render one partner incapable of providing ongoing, informed, and enthusiastic consent.
It takes just ten seconds of choking to render a person unconscious. If the lack of air and blood flow to the brain makes the person dizzy or unconscious, they do not have the ability to continue to provide consent.
Since choking can be fatal in a very short time, their partner may not be able to accurately judge how much pressure is “too much” or notice the impact on their partner quickly enough.
Dangers include:
- Loss of consciousness in less than 10 seconds
- Stroke or blood clots
- Brain injury, memory loss, or cognitive changes
- Voice changes, trouble swallowing, or chronic coughing
- Death—sometimes hours or days later, even with no visible injuries
“We see people who seem fine at first and then present with life-threatening symptoms 72 hours later—or even years later,” says Rachel. “There is no reliable way to predict who will be harmed, when symptoms will appear, or how severe they will be.”
Choking During Sex and Abusive Relationships
Strangulation carries additional weight in the context of domestic violence. Being strangled by a partner is one of the strongest predictors of future homicide. In abusive relationships, strangulation is often used to send a clear message: your life is in my hands.
Normalizing choking during sex can cause survivors to minimize or question their fear.
“When someone chokes you, the message is terror,” says Maria Lagattuta, a JBWS employee. “It’s control. It’s not intimacy.”
