*Content Warning*: contains descriptions of abuse.
“Being in love with someone was always what I wanted,” said Katie. “I dreamed of having a happily ever after family, plenty of children, and my husband and I growing old together.”
When Katie was just a teenager, she thought she had found her “happily-ever-after.” She had met the man of her dreams, a charming, outgoing, and extremely likable person. He was the “life of the party” but still managed to make Katie feel like his world revolved around her.
After the pair had their first child, Katie watched as her partner’s natural charisma turned into controlling and aggressive behavior. One day, while the pair was driving with their toddler, they got into a disagreement over something very minor. Her partner pulled into the nearest parking lot and began to both verbally and physically abuse Katie. The abuse was so severe that Katie had to take her son and run from the car. She eventually sought refuge with a group of strangers on the side of the road.
“Imagine feeling safer in the company of men you don’t know than the father of your child,” Katie recounted.
One month later, Katie moved into Arbour House, JBWS’ Emergency Safe House Shelter. While there, she learned about the dynamics of abuse and how she had a “right to be safe and free.” After a few months, Katie felt ready to leave. While she had a place to stay, she didn’t have a job or driver’s license. Within a few months, she returned to her partner.
“I believed that he had changed for the better,” said Katie. “He promised he could handle his emotions, insisted he knew how to treat me right, and promised to never hit me again.”
For almost a year, Katie’s partner treated her the way she always wanted to be treated. He hadn’t hit her, pushed her, or gone into one of his fits of rage. She was convinced that his behavior had truly changed and agreed to marry him. In the months following their wedding, Katie faced the worst abuse she had ever experienced in her life.
“I think my partner knew that I would leave him if he continued to hit me or beat me up,” said Katie. “But it would be harder for me to escape if he beat me up emotionally by stripping away everything that made me who I am.”
Her partner’s abuse made Katie love herself less, focus on her dreams less, and give up on her aspirations. A few months into their marriage, Katie and her partner had another disagreement, this time relating to raising their son. Her partner became enraged and began throwing things, punching walls, and trashing their home. Eventually, her partner started to come toward Katie and her son. Katie made a promise to herself that if she “made it out alive”, she would do everything she had to do to leave him. She was able to shield her son and escaped to JBWS.
“I was so embarrassed and so hurt that I had to go through this again,” said Katie. “I thought that the counselors and staff who knew me would look at me as a failure -even more a fool for going back to my abuser and marrying him. But thankfully, I was extremely wrong.”
When Katie arrived at Arbour House, the staff showed her unconditional support. She felt as if she was a child returning home and being welcomed with open arms. From that day on, Katie decided that she would do whatever she could to live her life free of abuse.
“I have finally come to the realization that true love is loving myself first and that maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a relationship,” said Katie. “Maybe it’s me on my own, picking up the piece and starting over, freeing myself up for something better in the future. My happy ending is now, moving on and moving forward, domestic violence-free.”
If you are in an unhealthy relationship, JBWS can help. Call our 24-Hour Helpline, 1.877.782.2873
